Parasitic Tactics

I was just reading my horoscope (I am an Aquarius if you want to know...) and it was strange how close this was to what I was thinking in the morning!!! Since the horoscope will be there just for today, I have copied it here:

Popularity is incredibly overrated, so don't base any decisions solely on achieving it! Pleasing the masses is no great feat -- after all, appealing to the lowest common denominator just means that you're expecting the least out of other people, and that's not your philosophy... You will be better off in a small group of like-minded folks than in a huge crowd of sheep.

What I was thinking in the morning had to do with how I caught myself thinking again! I was trying to hide my impulses and my desires in order to be loved (in my day-dream fantasies)... Not again!

It occurs to me that I sell out my desires in order to be loved. By doing that I project a false image - a lie - for others to love. But this lie is not me, so ultimately, what others love (best-case scenario) is not me! (Oh you Prince of Lies, you have made it easy for us to fall into your traps...) Now that I know I have to guard myself against that...

I believe that what most people do (including myself) is trying to please Mommy and Daddy even in their 60s or 80s... You know that doesn't change much as time passes - especially if you don't do something conscious about it. I have to kill this version of Mommy and Daddy that exists within me if I want to be free and ultimately accept me for who I am. I want to let people love me for who I am - Love the true me - a being in constant flux - not the Prince of Lies I project...

Not wanting anything...

I found something while I was reading again that I believe it to be 'applicable' to my 'situation'!!! This has a lot to do with my previous post also so once again I am referring to somebody else's words who seems to have said it wonderfully!!!

"...Don Juan had once told me that I was afraid of people and had learned to defend myself by not wanting anything. He said that not wanting anything was a warrior's finest achievement. In my stupidity, however, I had enlarged the sensation of not wanting anything and made it lapse into not liking anything. Thus my life was boring and empty."

The above excerpt is from Tales of Power by Carlos Castaneda (re-reading it for the third time!). I believe this is a common trap, we confuse not wanting anything to not loving anything which is an all or nothing trap! Not wanting anything is actually a life achievement since I believe the 'soul' is like a magnet that attracts all that is needed for its purpose, while the ego intervenes in the 'soul' wanting more and more and never being quite satisfied with anything!