Parasitic Tactics

I was just reading my horoscope (I am an Aquarius if you want to know...) and it was strange how close this was to what I was thinking in the morning!!! Since the horoscope will be there just for today, I have copied it here:

Popularity is incredibly overrated, so don't base any decisions solely on achieving it! Pleasing the masses is no great feat -- after all, appealing to the lowest common denominator just means that you're expecting the least out of other people, and that's not your philosophy... You will be better off in a small group of like-minded folks than in a huge crowd of sheep.

What I was thinking in the morning had to do with how I caught myself thinking again! I was trying to hide my impulses and my desires in order to be loved (in my day-dream fantasies)... Not again!

It occurs to me that I sell out my desires in order to be loved. By doing that I project a false image - a lie - for others to love. But this lie is not me, so ultimately, what others love (best-case scenario) is not me! (Oh you Prince of Lies, you have made it easy for us to fall into your traps...) Now that I know I have to guard myself against that...

I believe that what most people do (including myself) is trying to please Mommy and Daddy even in their 60s or 80s... You know that doesn't change much as time passes - especially if you don't do something conscious about it. I have to kill this version of Mommy and Daddy that exists within me if I want to be free and ultimately accept me for who I am. I want to let people love me for who I am - Love the true me - a being in constant flux - not the Prince of Lies I project...

The mischief of trying to prove the axiom...

I was thinking of the time and energy I have wasted in trying to "prove" to others and to myself the obvious. I think everyone has such a burden that he/she is lifting like another Atlas... I was trying for years to prove that "I am a man". What I didn't realise while I was doing that was the profundity of the fact that in order to be engaged in such a battle of proving the axiom, I was not convinced myself about that. How can you go on a battle with yourself to prove that "you are a man" or "you are a woman" if you in fact don't believe quite the opposite, that "you are not a man" (or at least not man enough) and that "you are not a woman"?

You can build a whole theory by accepting what is given - the axioms, or you can question the given and end up not knowing where the next step will be... It is all a matter of CHOICE really (once more!)

Kind regards to you dear reader...

N.