Tuesday, December 26, 2006

The Parable of the Two Wolves

The grandfather told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people...

"The battle that goes on inside our chest is between two wolves," he said. "One is evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego".

"The other is good. It is peace, Love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, joy, benevolence, empathy, generousity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about this for a minute and asked, "Grandfather which wolf wins?"

The grandfather replied "The one you feed."







A small comment from me is that we have to acknowledge the existence of both of them but make a conscious choice to serve the one that can lead us to our Soul's path!

Monday, December 25, 2006

The Four Archetypes of Survival

I was at a friend's house playing with the Archetype Cards by Caroline Myss. It was quite interesting that I picked the Divine Child Card, something that has been a realisation of mine for quite some time now (that I am for one reason or another closely related to this archetype).
The most interesting part is that according to her, there are four archetypes we all are especially related to as they are the ways we have learned to survive... These are:


  • The Child

  • The Victim

  • The Prostitute

  • The Saboteur
I am at a place in my life where I am considering the fourth one and how it affects me and my relationships... You can find more on the four archetypes here...

Saturday, December 23, 2006

The Incal

I was trying to find a comic book that would be as "provocative", as "imaginative" or even as "true" as the 'Sandman'... I asked the woman behind the counter... She came up with two titles one of which was the 'Incal' by Moebius and Jodorowsky. Having known Jodorowsky from his movie "Santa Sangre", I decided to go for it! I must say I was left highly satisfied! The internal and eternal battle of light and darkness, what can be more "true" than that?

As a friend and teacher once told me - "Man is the battlefield of powers that surpass him/her"...

Searching the internet, I was later surprised to find the connection between Moebius, Jodorowsky and my favorite - Carlos Castaneda!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Darkest night...

A strange dream today...

The mood in the film was something like the famous series by David Lynch - "Twin Peaks". I was investigating a peculiar murder. 
It was a dark night and suddenly out of nowhere, a dark horse 
rider comes and tries to take my head. I avoid him...

Not my cup of tea...

And some strange facts about the 21st of December...

Did you know that 21st December is the biggest night of the year for the Northern Hemisphere? This is called the winter solstice. The  exact time for the winter solstice is 00.22 GMT on the 22nd of December for 2006.

A very interesting fact is that the ancient Greeks' celebration was a man being torn apart by women (the Maenads), representing the end of the harvest god Dionysos, with the promise of rebirth through the offspring of one of the women.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Redesign of the blog

I have used another template for my blog... 
Blogger has done a great job with their revamping of the site!
Good job guys and thanx!
Internet functionalities are becoming GREAT - easiness, friendliness etc. etc. I am totally amazed. It's incredible what people can do these days!!!

If you have no blog consider using one. It's a great way to learn and to be creative in an easy way!

Friday, December 01, 2006

The true terror

From the CNN US site!

Travelers get terror scores

Without notifying the public, federal agents have assigned millions of international travelers, including Americans, computer-generated scores rating the risk they pose of being terrorists or criminals. The travelers are not allowed to see or directly challenge these risk assessments. The government intends to keep the scores on file for 40 years.



Go to the full story


My question has to do with the legitimacy of such actions. In my country, a citizen is innocent till proven guilty. This story seems to me like everyone is guilty, until proven innocent. All this fear is trying to be imposed to the hearts of so many men and women... I feel this is the true terror. The importance of "safety" is totally ironic when coming from a government that allows guns to be almost freely distributed to anyone who has the money to buy one.


I think the worst thing that can happen to us is not to be able to be shocked about the terrible things that happen to the world around us and to other people. By all this fear that is trying to be imposed to people, I think that people stop feeling connected to one another... I could write many more words but I better stop here!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Flying Dutchman

Do you know the legend of the flying Dutchman? It is what I set out to learn today since I met a Dutchman in my last trip among my many delays... Another twist in the twilight zone! Hear to this...

The Flying Dutchman is a ghost ship that can never go home, but must sail the seven seas forever. The Flying Dutchman is usually spotted from afar, sometimes glowing with ghostly light. If she is hailed by another ship, her crew will often try to send messages to land, to people long since dead.

...The captain swore that he would not retreat in the face of a storm, but would continue his attempt to round the Cape of Good Hope even if it took until Judgment Day. According to other versions, some horrible crime took place on board, or the crew was infected with the plague and not allowed to sail into any port for this reason. Since then, the ship and its crew were doomed to sail forever, never putting in to shore.

And something... why from her of course... hi hi

Take a trip on a rocket ship, baby, where the sea is the sky.
I know the guy who runs the place and he's out of sight.
Flying Dutchman are you out there?
Flying Dutchman are you out there, Flying Dutchman?
Tori Amos, Flying Dutchman

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Into my personal twilight zone

I have entered into what can be relatively accurately be called "personal twilight zone"...

I have submitted my papers to start a PhD at the end of April. I have not received an answer yet.(6 months!) Well the answer is I will start a PhD it's just not official...

I have been working in my present job for about a year and I am 3 months behind in my payments. I cannot pay my bills anymore since I have used my bank account (I have about 100 euros left in four bank accounts!!!)

I was waiting 2 and a half hours yesterday to pay for my social security.

Everything around me is going so slowly... I try to find a reasonable explanation saying it is probably the Saturn return on my astrological map, I should learn how to be patient and so on. However, I am seriously pissed off and don't know what to do... I skipped work yesterday and today to let them know I am not happy with the present situation... This seems to have worked at least for now taking a confirmation that I will be paid. This is however a situation that involves 10 people. I don't think the group is very happy with this...

A question that emerged

I was wondering... Is it irrational that my personal needs (which are not unreasonable) are above the needs of the group? Isn't this the way it is supposed to be? Could I care for the group if I don't make a pause and care about me and my personal welfare? Could there not be significant change if people where being truly 'egotistical' but not irrational? What do you think?

From my personal experience, my brief encounter with the forces that are beyond my control, might have helped others (I mean those at work who are also not getting paid)...

Saturday, October 28, 2006

A hidden meaning somewhere

Did I mention in my previous post that Barcelona is extremely sensuous too? I do now...
The hidden meaning I am talking about has to do with my whole day yesterday... Mercury going retrograde and all, I was caught up in a web of delays. Going to the metro station Diagonal to take the metro train, I discovered that due to technical causes the train would delay - there was a 20 minute delay.

Then the train would stop in every station for about 2 minutes (not very likely for a metro train but what can you do - right?) Went to the hotel, packed the bags and back to the metro. Unfortunately the same line did still face problems considering the fact that I did like about 15 minutes for 2 stops!

The Sants-estacion (train station). I get behind a HUGE queue. The train will leave at 17.30. My airplane flies at 18.50. Still manageable somehow... But no, someone has fallen (probably deliberately) in the railway tracks and the trains will have at least 30 minute delay (all that in "sign-language" since Spanish people are not very famous for their knowledge of English...) Taxi is the only way [By the way, I made the acquaintance with a very nice guy here with whom I shared the taxi]

Made it to the airport, made it to the gate – however, there is a 20 minute delay in the flight!

Then I made it to the gate in Roma - The flight gate was changed, but still I got there on time. But no, another 1 hour delay there...

And the last blow. Outside the airport of my home town. A queue of taxis and I am waiting for the taxi to come pick me up. The taxi driver in the cab I am supposed to take is not in the driver's seat. He has gone to piss or something!!! He came quickly but is someone trying to tell me something???????????

Friday, October 27, 2006

Cities have genders and emotions...

I was inspired by an essay I read once by Neil Gaiman. He supports the notion that books have genders. He should know better... After all he is the writer...

This has been working in my mind for some time and now this thought pops up. Well here it goes. I am under the impression that cities have geders. And a dominant emotion. It was a dreary or depressing emotion in Brussels... And its a playful and inventive emotion here in Barcelona that I am visiting for the shortest time ever... 1 and a half days most of them in a conference. But I couldn´t help noticing people, buildings and sensing the emotion they emit...

The only thing with Barcelona is the food... I really don´t like the food here. These people have a real disorientation of taste - sorry guys!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Someone trying to get in...

Last night I had three dreams I remember... The problem is that the two of them had the same pattern. I was trying to protect my house by locking it and drawing curtains and so on. In the first dream there was a hand in the window which scared me into waking up. In the next dream, I went down the stairs (my house was in this dream one with two floors) and I tried to go up and close the door but a guy followed me and tried to grab my glasses. The strange thing was that the door was a saloon door and I told myself I would be brave enough to look him in the face. I did and I woke up...

Interesting eehh? I am in a such a point in my life where I try to take a closer look at my shadow... What other explanation would you give to such repetitive dreams?

Sunday, October 22, 2006

And you said... and you did.

From here crystal meth
In metres of millions
In the end all we have,
soul blueprint.
did we get lost in it
do we conduct a
search for this

"from the other side"
from the other side?
what do they mean
side of what things...

and you said
and you did
and you said
you would find me
here and you said that you would
find me even in Death

"I Can't See New York" by Tori Amos

Reopen 911

Because people's reaction counts... visit this interesting site about what has been bugging me for some time now!

Re-Open the 911 Investigation - Click Here

Saturday, October 21, 2006

A sculpture from Brussels


I went to Brussels last week (didn't I tell you? - whoops) and I took some pictures. There is nothing like feeling the freedom of walking in a foreign land getting to know the place all by myself. I got some depressing vibes from the city. At other times, when the sun was out, it was totally blissful!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Creative Commons Thinking

An interesting reading also (in my 'to do' list) is the following pdf file that was published by the British Council.

Unbounded Freedom - A Guide to Creative Commons Thinking for Cultural Organisations by Rosemary Blecher (0.75MB)

Monday, October 16, 2006

Free Culture

How would a culture be with knowledge available for free? What would be the learning curve of such a culture?

A very interesting piece of reading (available for free ...of course!)

Free Culture by Lawrence Lessig (2,47 MB)

Further 911 questions

This has troubled me for over a two weeks now but it is shocking and it should not be forgotten. I don't want to be a Kassandra but not finding the truth behind such acts of barbarism is a way to allow those responsible to do something like this yet again...

Controlled demolition of World Trade Center 7 building - From what I have found out this was hardly played on the media, although it holds several possible answers.
9/11 Truth: Scott Forbes describes power-downs in WTC.
An orgy of evidence points to an 'Inside Job'.

Can truth really shine when we are up against 'the Matrix'? - I wonder.

Friday, October 13, 2006

What kind of intelligence do you have?

I got kind of jealous on what I read on a friend's blog (jealous me...) so here it goes... The answer to what kind of intelligence I have!!!

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others.
Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.
You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.
A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.

You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

Purification of the Heart

"Purification begins with the Heart. When the Heart is pure, the body is pure.
When the Heart of mankind is pure, the body of Earth will be pure."

"The Heart that is closed is the door that remains bolted to the Love that is Divine. The Heart that walks open is the Heart that shines Truth. The Heart that shines Truth is the Light on the Way. When will you weary of banging on a bolted and closed door? Be the open door to the Truth that is Light."

The Collective Ascended Masters as channeled by Sharon Shane

Saturday, October 07, 2006

911 physics

These sites have only recently entered my level of consciousness and I wanted to share them with you... I was shocked to find such an explanation about what really happened on 9/11 in the WTC. Did you know a third building WTC7 was demolished on the next day after the crash...? How strange... 3 planes crashed in New York 2 on the World trade center and 1 on the pentagon... and 3 buildings were demolished the twin towers and WTC7.

I want to speculate on what happened. Let me elaborate... [This would be a great scenario for a movie! If only it wasn't (most probably) so close to the truth!]

You hire 3 people to hijack and you tell them that you want them to surve a holy purpose. (These have to fit a certain profile of course, muslims - possibly arabs, fanatics and so on). What the people that are hired don't know is that the people hiring them are not who they say they are.

Next step you convince them that they are very important in carrying out the project successfully. For their country's sake... They have to bring down the world trade center which is the symbol of western civilization.

The two of the three are certain for the importance of the plan. However the third one decides that he will serve his country better if he takes down pentagon and not WTC7 which is a small building and not as important as the pentagon. He doesn't inform the people who hired him. He is going to die after all... (The human factor enters the perfect plan)...

The people that hire them don't tell them that they will bring those buildings down anyway because the disaster has to be complete. They need to create terror, fear and panic to do what they were meant to do. Create a new world order. So they put explosives in the building to kill some thousands. Every war has casualties and this is war, right? (in their minds it was war long before 9/11)...

Some links:
An explanatory flash regarding this What really happened??? - This is really a must you should see this!

Physics 911
A scientist's explanation
German Engineers help the USA
911 Physicist Banned from the Classroom
NIST's 3-Year $20,000,000 Cover-Up of the Crime of the Century

A quote:
It is always physically and logistically possible to produce the appearance of a terrorist attack by means that do not employ terrorists, as such. This general principle by no means implies that all terrorist attacks are bogus, only that with appropriate resources, any such attack can be simulated. I will illustrate the principle by laying out a scenario that employs three major elements of deception to simulate the attacks of September 11, 2001. Physics 911

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Boys for Pele

An excellent record that I discovered only recently...

This is what Tori has said for her work on this album.

"I wrote this record because I was trying to fill the void any way I could...After nothing worked --men, food, incredible Chardonnay, shoes-- there was no anchor to hold on to, the old ways didn't work any more. I realised I'd supressed a lot of sides to myself to be loved and understood by men. I didn't want to play seductive little girl or ballbuster any more. With this record I played all those roles until I got to my heart. To find your fire as man or woman you have to take your torch and go to the shadows."
-- Tori, Diva, Feb/Mar 1996

An album filled with pain. But going into the shadows has rewards unimaginable!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

I want a gun...

Have you happen to see episodes from "LOST - Season 2"? Interesting as it may be, what strikes me is the use of the phrase "I want a gun." Could that depict something from the American Society as it is now? I wouldn't dismiss the idea without any thought...

It's very interesting but also very disturbing the power that a man (or a woman) can draw from a gun. Why is that? I don't like you, I kill you? Is this really a solution to a problem? Macabre...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Check this out... Masks are off!

As I mentioned in a previous post, the work of Alice Miller is trully a very important one... I found in the internet some essays by Arthur Silber on the work of Alice Miller. I think these are really meaningful and can explain part of what is wrong with our society, why this vicious cycle of violence is getting worse and worse...

Violence is a meant to cause obedience... I wonder, are we still our ancestors in our hearts or can we take the risk and change, make a new start? In a path with a heart and not a heartless one like the one that has been going on for many thousands of years...

I think this vicious cycle of hate and hypocrisy (hate disguised as love, judgement disguised as approval, usefulness disguised as friendship, vanity disguised as beauty and so on) has played its role and has served its purpose. Masks are off!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Passing the threshold of becoming of age and the power of words

The leaders of the world and the leaders of destruction think that we are totally 'Lost'. We need a 'father figure' to guide us along the way in the 'best' way possible. So... do war, kill everyone, only the strongest survive, men don't cry, people have different rights according to their religious beliefs... Is that really so?

The abuse of the word terrorist is an abuse of the Word. We have abused our Earth, an aspect of our feminity that has been given as a gift to nourish us. Isn't this Earth an all-encompassing mother? Sure she will lead us to the other side when the time comes - she will become the inevitable grave - but isn't killing children a pre-mature way to die? As if abusing the Earth wasn't enough, we have abused the Word as well... The Word, the gift of our masculinity, is being used in order to lie and hide - not to guide, to light the way, to reveal. The word terrorist is being used for the bully, the Arab, the different person, the outsider. We must do our best to change the way we behave to bring change to our neighbours by changing ourselves. The change spreads in ways never seen before. CHANGE!

Pray that the leaders of destruction will be en-lightened soon because their darkness is great. Pray and do your best in all that you do. Be here, now in this difficult era, to bring peace back to its original essense - not to the meaning that has been distorted... The origin of peace is different than in the compound word 'peace'-makers which has come to mean war-makers. 'Terror'ist is he who creates terror in the lives of other people. Nations that have the ability to create war to take advantage of the rest of the world are creating 'terror' for the people they exploit and the people they drag along in this petty game of hate and greed.

Don't be fulled. This is a time when wolfs have learned well how to disguise themselves as sheep. But the fact remains that the Truth cannot be hidden for very long.

In a war all sides suffer. Do we really want this? Do we have a saying in what is happening around us? If we do, let us speak. Let us pray. Let us cry. Let us be...

Never the following words have been more relevant than they are today:

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one.

'Imagine', Lyrics by John Lennon

We have the strength to shape the world. All we have to do is take the responsibility to change personally. Take the responsibility of 'growing-up'. Everything is not 'all right', don't fool yourself.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Wounds that connect people...

Wounds can connect people... Do you know that? I have seen that I carry a knife stabbed on my stomach and maybe you carry the same knife... I feel a strange connection going there...

By the way do you know what our greatest wound is?
Mary... The feminine side is suffering... And she doesn't go down alone. If you can't listen - a feminine function, how can you really communicate? How can you really talk?

With all that is going on in Lebanon, I think we need to reconsider what a real man is... Is it the one who can make a gun, who goes to war, he who can kill, he who can take a whore? If there was a war between the sexes there would be no people left... And there is a war going on - Mary needs to save us and we need to save her. Listen to one another, from the heart... Without fear of being lesser men if we do...

Stop the war... I am getting sick... Mary more so.

Lyrics from Joe Jackson's 'Real Men' have been used in this post!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Not wanting anything...

I found something while I was reading again that I believe it to be 'applicable' to my 'situation'!!! This has a lot to do with my previous post also so once again I am referring to somebody else's words who seems to have said it wonderfully!!!

"...Don Juan had once told me that I was afraid of people and had learned to defend myself by not wanting anything. He said that not wanting anything was a warrior's finest achievement. In my stupidity, however, I had enlarged the sensation of not wanting anything and made it lapse into not liking anything. Thus my life was boring and empty."

The above excerpt is from Tales of Power by Carlos Castaneda (re-reading it for the third time!). I believe this is a common trap, we confuse not wanting anything to not loving anything which is an all or nothing trap! Not wanting anything is actually a life achievement since I believe the 'soul' is like a magnet that attracts all that is needed for its purpose, while the ego intervenes in the 'soul' wanting more and more and never being quite satisfied with anything!

Friday, July 07, 2006

Being Sane...

...Richard paused beside an old woman, fast asleep in a shop doorway. She was covered with a ripped old blanket, and her few possessions - two small junk-filled cardboard boxes and a dirty, once-white umbrella - were tied together with string beside her, and the string was tied around her wrist to keep anyone from stealing them while she slept. She wore a wool hat, of no particular color.
He pulled out his wallet, found a ten-pound note, and bent down to slide the folded note into the woman's hand. Her eyes opened, and she jerked awake. She blinked at the money with old eyes. "What's this?" she said, sleepily, displeased at having been woken.
"Keep it," said Richard.
She unfolded the money, then pushed it up her sleeve. "Whatchyouwant?" she asked Richard suspiciously.
"Nothing," said Richard. "I really don't want anything. Nothing at all." And then he realized how true that was; and how dreadful a thing it had become. "Have you ever got everything you ever wanted? And then realized it wasn't what you wanted at all?"
"Can't say that I have," she said, picking the sleep from the corner of her eyes.
"I thought I wanted this," said Richard. "I thought I wanted a nice, normal life. I mean, maybe I am crazy. I mean, maybe. But if this is all there is, then I don't want to be sane. You know?"...

From NEVERWHERE by Neil Gaiman

Monday, July 03, 2006

Struggling...

I look in the mirror and I look out the window and I see myself and others struggling to be in our bodies. Struggling to know who we are and what we need. To like ourselves, rather than wanting to be somebody else, or somewhere else. I see our inability to relate, to communicate from the heart, to overcome our distance and alienation from one another. I see us avoiding each other's eyes, at a loss to know what others need. I see people searching for direction, trying to summon up their personal power, longing for the strength to be independent...

From Maps to Ecstasy, Gabrielle Roth

Saturday, July 01, 2006

The Drama of the Gifted Child

We are all gifted. You see we have the ability to
shape ourselves according to the expectations of
others in order to be appreciated, to be respected, to
be "loved".

All a child wants is unconditional love. However, the
drama of our society is that we don't know what
unconditional love is. The child is "loved" only when
it is quiet, doesn't cry, sits appropriately, doesn't
touch his private parts that cause her/him pleasure,
doesn't show anger, jealousy, envy, says thank you and
you are welcome and so on. We want obedience as a
society, not unconditional love - that's dangerous. In
fact it should be banned. Well, it has been...

I was reading the book by Alice Miller, "The drama of
the gifted child" and it touched me in so many ways. I
did many compromises back when I was boy in order to
be loved. I cut off so many of my pieces that I
believe I have forgotten many things from my 'dark'
childhood. I know I was not allowed to get angry with
my parents. How could I? I was only a child and if I
did I would get what I deserved or something...

I remember returning home from holidays with my mom
and dad after about one week in an island somewhere.
My brother was then in highschool and didn't want to
come along. When we got back he was in serious pain
from what we later found out to be cervical syndrome.
My father got especially angry and started shouting.
'We can't even go on holiday without you getting
sick'. I should be proud of myself. Thank God, that I
so rarely got sick... I was more gifted than my
brother. You see I turned out to be what my parents
would have wanted me too. Isn't this great?

The anger is great and the pain equally so. But the
only chance we have is recognising that it is so and
allowing ourselves to feel the anger and to be
consumed by it. How can I forgive my father if I don't
allow myself to get angry for what he has done to me?
I know this is something that is 'transmitted' from
generation to generation and I realise my father did
have the same treatment. I am sure he wasn't
respected, loved for what he was but only cared for
when he made his parents proud by fulfilling their
expectations (or lied as if he had fulfilled them).
But I can forgive him only after I allow myself to
feel what I have supressed for so long...

Thursday, June 29, 2006

The mischief of trying to prove the axiom...

I was thinking of the time and energy I have wasted in trying to "prove" to others and to myself the obvious. I think everyone has such a burden that he/she is lifting like another Atlas... I was trying for years to prove that "I am a man". What I didn't realise while I was doing that was the profundity of the fact that in order to be engaged in such a battle of proving the axiom, I was not convinced myself about that. How can you go on a battle with yourself to prove that "you are a man" or "you are a woman" if you in fact don't believe quite the opposite, that "you are not a man" (or at least not man enough) and that "you are not a woman"?

You can build a whole theory by accepting what is given - the axioms, or you can question the given and end up not knowing where the next step will be... It is all a matter of CHOICE really (once more!)

Kind regards to you dear reader...

N.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Blogging and existential loneliness

I was speaking on the phone with a friend the other day... He couldn't quite understand the idea of "blogging" since there is an important question here... Who will be interested in these blogs? If you exclude a small number of friends, who else? This all seems too 'self-centred' to be of interest to others.

He spoke of blogging as a way to tackle existential loneliness. Somebody is out there and I am truly communicating... But is this an illusion? Something to divert me from the path?

Speaking for myself, I understand that writing a diary does not work for me. When I tried it a little voice came from inside saying "you have to publish this", "this is good" or something of the sort... Blogging has kept those creeping little voices away! So blogging can be a way to tackle resistances (well, as well as existential loneliness...:)

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Happiness and the meaning of life

After being asked three questions, I thought about posting the answers here...

Are you happy (with your life)?
Well you can say that being joyful is part of my 'core being' although I don't believe that being happy is what life is about... Being in love with life, vibrating, feeling, dancing in the rhythm of life is more of what I believe life is about, even if the rhythm changes and becomes sad or slow or self-destructive or dark and mysterious!!!

Do you see your worth in life?
That's a tricky one because one has to define worth first! The thing is that I started to appreciate me more, recently, finding out I can cope with difficult situations, making more money and having more responsibilities but again this is more of 'ego' stuff which I find very important but not as important as helping or healing people through healing and helping myself. I find this to be 'soul' stuff.

What motivates you day in day out?
Well, this must be the hardest to answer... because I don't think I have reached the point of appreciating the gift of life to its fullest... Life by itself is an excellent motivator, but I find that I am more and more bored. A friend of mine says boredom is a very valuable feeling since it is a motivator of changing things (maybe even perceptions?) So I am still in search of this...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The sting of universal sadness

..There was a man once who was suffering from profound melancholy. He went to see the best doctors of his day and every one of those doctors failed to help him. He finally came to the office of a leading doctor, a healer of the soul. The doctor suggested to his patient that perhaps he could find solace, and the end of his melancholy, in love. The man responded that love was no problem for him, that he was loved perhaps like no one else in the world. The doctor's next suggestion was that maybe the patient should undertake a voyage and see other parts of the world. The man responded that without exaggeration he had been in every corner of the world. The doctor recommended hobbies like the arts, sports, etc. The man responded to every one of his recommendations in the same terms: He had done that and had had no relief. The doctor suspected that the man was possibly an incurable liar. He couldn't have done all those things as he claimed. But being a good healer, the doctor had a final insight.
"Ah!", he exclaimed, "I have the perfect solution for you, sir. You must attend a performance of the greatest comedian of our day. He will delight you to the point where you will forget every twist of your melancholy. You must attend a performance of the Great Garrick!"
The man looked at the doctor with the saddest look you can imagine and said, "Doctor, if that's your recommendation, I am a lost man. I have no cure. I am the Great Garrick!"...

Story taken from 'The Active Side of Infinity' by Carlos Castaneda

Emerald Tablet

Truly, without Deceit, certainly and absolutely

That which is Below corresponds to that which is Above, and that which is Above corresponds to that which is Below, in the accomplishment of the Miracle of One Thing. And just as all things have come from One, through the Mediation of One, so all things follow from this One Thing in the same way.

Its Father is the Sun. Its Mother is the Moon. The Wind has carried it in his Belly. Its Nourishment is the Earth. It is the Father of every completed Thing in the whole World. Its Strength is intact if it is turned towards the Earth. Separate the Earth by Fire: the fine from the gross, gently, and with great skill.

It rises from Earth to Heaven, and then it descends again to the Earth, and receives Power from Above and from Below. Thus you will have the Glory of the whole World. All Obscurity will be clear to you. This is the strong Power of all Power because it overcomes everything fine and penetrates everything solid.

In this way was the World created. From this there will be amazing Applications, because this is the Pattern. Therefore am I called Thrice Greatest Hermes, having the three parts of the Wisdom of the whole World.

Herein have I completely explained the Operation of the Sun.

Preason OR Has Science gone mad?

I know there is no such word as preason... But there is prison and there is reason... And by combining you can reach the status of some modern scientists. Let me explain my line of thinking!

I was reading the other day a respectable science book referring to vision and how art is perceived by the brain... The excerpt I am referring to goes more or less like this:

"But why do we need to see?"

The author after saying how some others might answer this question gives the following answer...

"We see in order to have the ability to acquire knowledge about the world".

And why do I feel offended by such an explanation? Why do I think reason is a prison when trying to expain the inexplicable?

The truth is I find it hard to believe that any human could possible have the answer of "why do we need to see". Maybe I would listen to somebody offering an explanation like that if he/she said that he had contact with more intelligent extra terrestrials or has been "channelling" entities from another plane of existence and that's what they told him... But how unfortunate it is to try to explain the mystery of our world by mere logic and reason. How god-like to offer explanations about things we know nothing about. How can we now the "reason" just by knowing the results? We can say that vision is guided by the brain or anything but how can this be in any way connected to "why" we see?

I could go on and on about this but the important thing is that "reason" is not a panacea. It doesn't hold the keys to every door. It holds the key however to the golden door of its own self-defeat.

Is Decision-Making so easy?

I was thinking about doing my PhD... All those nightmarish figures came up from inside me speaking in unfathomable languages saying...

"Is this something you really want?"
"Does it worth the effort?"
"Does your father approve?"
"Will you be able to co-operate?"
"Have you not had enough of being a pupil-student?"

You can imagine how this goes on... I was in an emotional upheaval... Did I really want to do a PhD? Sure I had proved to myself that I could so now comes the really hard part... CHOICE!

This is what happens in smaller decisions too...

I want to buy a piano. I have the money. For whom do I buy the piano? Do I buy it for my Mommy and my Daddy to say 'Look! I can manage without you!' proving just how not over them I am? Well, I have to make a CHOICE and I have to make a CHOICE for ME which is the hardest of it all!